Tabletop Games

*Morning Mood* Younger James *excessive screaming* I HATE YOUUUU! (bird: what the-!?) Ariana *also excessive screaming*: OH!?! WELL, NEXT TIME, DoN’t StEAL mY MoNOpOlY!!! Mom aka peacemaker: Ariana, give James your $200. You landed on his property.

Ariana: NO, HE’S IN JAIL! >:( I’M NOT GONNA GIVE MONEY TO A CRIMINAL! (life lesson here kids) Younger James: That not how you- PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY *pterodactyl scrrech* Sally: Mommy?

Why is brother screaming? 🙁 Mom: Shut the f**k Up Sally, you don’t get to talk after stealing my last railroad! Younger James: I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!! (oof) Mom: ME ToO!

YOU THINK I WaNTeDd THIS?!? (double oof) (this pain can only be described as one of the pain of all humanity suffering) Pat (from FWA & Life Noggin): Hi! What you all just witnessed is the phenomenon known as Family Game Night™ Family Game Night™ plays an important role in the household dynamic, as studies have shown that families who participate in activities together form closer bonds and stronger relationships (LIES!) with each other.

So, try setting aside some time to play board games with your family, and if they beat you… …cut them out of your life forever. 😀 (it’s that simple!) (well…this is awkward) *laughs* Okay, have fun you guys. I… “like” board games.

I guess any game that doesn’t involve me getting up and moving around, I’m a huge fan of. Also since I’m bad at… everything, and don’t like playing games against someone who’s better than me, I really love the games that don’t require any type of skill, like the game Chutes & Ladders, which I just learned today has another name called Snakes & Ladders. And I’m going to call it that instead. ’cause I’d rather draw snakes than… …chutes?????

In Snakes and Ladders, you have no free will. You’re at the mercy of a single dice… and I love it. While I was looking up walkthroughs for Snakes & Ladders, I quickly learned that this game was made for preschoolers, which is probably why it’s so simple. Or how about the game ‘Sorry!

‘, which is the most unapologetic game I’ve ever played. There’s some strategy in that game, but most of the time, you’re just getting revenge on the players who’ve wronged you. The creators of ‘Sorry!’ knew this, because the tagline of the game is: “Sorry! : the Game of Sweet Revenge”, which, if you think about it, is a pretty funny oxymoron. Aha!

TAKE THIS! …sorry. I know HOW to play chess, but like most things, I’m not very good at it. Unless I’m playing against someone under the age of 4, ( is Johnny eating shuggr again? No? Ok) I don’t want to play that game.

Because it shows everyone how bad I am at planning ahead. That’s a game that’s 100% strategy based. It’s like the IQ test of board games.

Beating someone in chess will put you more ahead academically, than anyone with a Harvard degree, AND you’ll get more babes! However, there is one exception and that is: ”It’s okay to lose at chess… …if you’re playing against a computer… even if it’s on Easy Mode.”.. Computers are way better at planning ahead than anyone, because I don’t know HOW, but a HUMAN made a computer that can beat the world’s best Chess player, (OOF) but the creator of the computer CAN’T beat the world’s best Chess player… So I guess that means… It’s game over.

We tried our best, but we’ve peaked. Whenever you beat a computer in Chess… it was going easy on you. Imagine if we made a computer that could beat the world’s best Snakes & Ladders player.

I would pay money to see a Snakes & Ladders championship! And everyone watching knows that the person playing is just some Joe Shmoe that acts like the world’s best Snakes & Ladders player, But they’re all still excited, and there’s real snakes that you get to slide down! That would be amazing!

Sign me up. *giggles* While we’re on the topic of Chess, I want to tell you about this cool sport I discovered called Chess Boxing. This is an actual competitive sport where two players play Chess for three minutes… …then box each other for three minutes, and they keep switching between Chess and boxing until someone either gets a checkmate, they run out of time playing Chess, or they K.O the other player.

(OOF) I love this sport because it combines two polar opposite games and it’s something that anyone can play. “Brains over brawn”? HEH Try saying that after I sucker punch you in the– Oh, that was… that was a good move… I’m gonna punch you so hard in the balls for that!

I know I just said I was bad at chess, But if there’s any YouTubers who want to challenge me to a Chess Boxing match, I will gladly take you to the ring and we can charge people $12 just to watch. *whisper* and we can end it in a draw, you know, so that way, you won’t look bad in front of your fans. So, Battleship. That’s another board game and it also got a big Hollywood movie based off of it.

I haven’t seen it. But, I hope there’s a scene where the captain of the ship goes: “Men, fire at… (Captain Thinking.) …D6?”

And then there’s an explosion in the distance, and then Rihanna who is actually in that movie says: “SIR! THE ALIENS SENT A MESSAGE! IT SAYS… Miss…” The captain goes, “Hmm…” “Someone write that down so we don’t forget.”

And then, there would be an explosion at the back of their ship (bee doo beer dooo) and alarms start going off, and everyone on board starts freaking out except for the captain. He goes: “Rihanna! Send the aliens a message.

Tell them… (Another awkward silence…) …”hit”. Also ask him if they think the situation make a good board game.” And if that scene is not in the movie, I hate it. Did anyone else collect a bunch of Pokémon cards, but never knew how to play the game?

(Me) I don’t think I met a single person who actually knew how to play the card game, which was weird, because in my school, the card game was just as popular as the video games. Kids would always show off their collection of cards and binders, and everyone always wanted the highly coveted shiny Charizard card! You know which one I’m talking about. YOU know which one I’m talking about! *In cute voice* you know which one i’m talkin’ ’bout.

Unlike Yu Gi Oh, which had dedicated episodes explaining why these five pieces of cardboard were expensive, the shiny Charizard was rare, not because it was good in the game, but because everyone agreed that it looked cool. But then, when you ask someone: Red: “Hey, do you want to play a game?” They would say: Brendan: Okay! I summon my Charizard… …in Attack Mode!!

Does anyone even know how to play the Pokémon card game? I bet none of these guys even know what they’re doing. How’d this guy win?

He didn’t even call UNO!!! I can’t be too hard on the Pokémon cards because the card game I like is probably way more complicated than Pokémon. I don’t know for sure because, like I said, I don’t know how to play the Pokémon card game, but my favorite card game… is Neopets®©™ I’m just kidding! That was a joke! …kind of…

I did actually own a lot of Neopet cards. I don’t remember exactly how to play… I do remember you have to get 21 points to win, which got me into playing blackjack, but it’s okay that I don’t remember how to play, because no one else is playing this game. I wanted to find some footage of a Neopet TGC Campionship only to come to the disappointing realization that no Neopets championship exists, which is sad, sooo if there’s any YouTubers watching and want to find my Scorchio, square up. Okay, but for real, the card game I like the most is Magic the Gathering. And fun little factoid, all three card games I’ve mentioned were created by the same company: Wizards of the Coast.

Hey, is that a Monopoly reference? I’ve been playing Magic since 2007 and back then, the game was a lot more simple. Look at some of these more recent cards.

First, see how many words are on them, And if we flip them over, they merge into an even BIGGER card! What?! If you showed these cards to my 11 year old self, I would have lost my marbles! My favorite thing about magic is when Richard Garfield– I mean Dick Garfield– was first creating the game in 1993.

He didn’t really have an accurate way of testing the cards to make sure they’re all fair and balanced, and he ended up creating some of the most overpowered cards and magic, (BOOM) and players today refer to these cards as The Power Nine! Because there were nine really good ones… which is why every single one of them is banned. Now don’t get me wrong, the Power Nine are good cards, but none of them are like, you win the game good.

Take this one, for example. Ancestral Recall: all it says is draw three cards or force opponent to draw three cards; which is stupid that they added that last part! Why would you ever give your opponent three more cards to beat you with? Now, I know what you’re thinking.

Wait.. a slightly better Pot Of Greed, which is a card that allows me to draw two new cards from my deck and place them into my hand is one of the top nine most powerful magic cards? Yeah! Pot of Greed is band too. Games play such an important role in childhood, and here’s what they all teach us.

In Magic, if you’re really good at what you do, no one will invite you to their tournament… Monopoly, white-collar crime is okay… Battleship… just guess and check… Snakes and Ladders, if you see a ladder, climb it immediately… and no one cares about Neopets… Now if you excuse me… I have to show this prison guard my coupon I have that lets me get out of jail anytime I like.

And when all is said and done, I thought to myself, “What can I do to help strengthen this weekly tradition of Family Game Night?” (,james: REE I HATE DISS) So, I decided to create my own game based off one of the most scarring events of my childhood. Many of you might recall the traumatic experience my sister and I had with Harry the Moth, and to help me cope, I decided to immortalize this memory by turning it into a card game.

Introducing “Can’t Catch Harry”. I let my Twitter followers decide on the name and they went with this one so good job guys! Here’s a sneak peak of some of the cards. I spent a lot of time working on this game, and I know you’re gonna like it! We’ve got a lot of recognizable characters like Mr. Poe… Mom… Satan… and suuuuuuu-andwitch artist.

We’re launching the game on Kickstarter today, so check out the link in the description to get yourself a copy! We have different reward tiers like holographic cards, golden figurines, and even a custom-made card if you’re into that! The reward tiers are only gonna be available for 30 days and given my upload schedule, I don’t know if we’ll be able to tell you that again.

So… I’ll post updates on my Twitter AND Instagram. That’s right! I got an Instagram. I’m trying to tell you that, uh, to follow me on Instagram.

heheh. Thanks for watching, and that’s how we’re gonna segway into the end card. Uh… also, should I mention the Streamys? Should I… I said, “Hey man, I’m… at the streamys- oh not at the streamys” I got nominated for Streamys.” They didn’t ask, they didn’t say, “Hey, do you want to be… do you want to have to go to this award show?”

They just emailed me and said, “Guess what? We nominated you”, and I’m just like, “I didn’t ASK for this so, uh…” Yeah, that’s… that’s a thing that happened. I’m probably gonna get ZER0 videos out before then… Actually, I have to get a Halloween one out.

So maybe I can get a Halloween video out before the Streamys… …..we’ll see, but….. You know, it’s… I don’t show my face off. What am I doing? Have you ever played 52 card pick ’em up? Have you ever done that?

Now pick them up! *shoves cards away* *awkward silence* Thanks, thanks for watching the video! Wear your seatbelt, by the way.

(Smol captions by andre w partin)